When we think of someone getting jealous, we think that it means they must really care about us. Jealousy is not a positive sign in a relationship though because jealousy is a very negative emotion. The idea that you can test someone’s love for you by flirting with another person and that how your spouse reacts is an indicator of their love is not only faulty, it’s dangerous.
Jealousy has its roots low self-esteem and fear. People are more likely to be jealous when they don’t believe they are lovable or that they are not worthy of being loved. They are afraid that their partner will see that if they are with other people and that they will find others more attractive – that’s where jealousy comes from and it’s not a good place for the person who is jealous or the one who is the object of the jealousy.
Different Kinds of Jealousy
There are different kinds of jealousy that we experience. They can be boiled down to two types of jealousy and they are often the fodder for storylines on soap operas and in romance novels. The first kind is called reactive jealousy and it’s a type of jealousy that all of us have felt. It’s the kind of jealousy that occurs when our partners prove that our relationships are over or that they soon will be. It is the feeling of jealousy we experience when they have been unfaithful to us physically or emotionally. When our spouses betray us – it is very natural to feel jealousy, anger and hurt.
The second type is called suspicious jealousy and this is not based on anything our spouse may or may not have done. It’s not about what a spouse did or may have done, it’s based on the thoughts of the person who is jealous. They may perceive that something has gone wrong and that they are losing their spouse or significant other.
This type of jealousy is demanding and unreasonable because the partner doesn’t have to do anything wrong. The fear is that they are losing that person and they have to do something to hold onto them, to test them and to make them understand that they are needed. This jealousy knows no reason and can be very detrimental to a relationship. This is also the type of jealousy that cannot just be let go of, it needs to be resolved inside the person feeling it. They need to build up their confidence and let go of their fear.
Have you ever been jealous? Do you know which of the two types you experienced?
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