Justification, rationalization, whatever you want to call it, it can harm your relationship with your husband or wife. Instead of making excuses, or trying to justify something that was obviously wrong, do what you have to do to set things right. Admit what you have done, apologize sincerely, seek forgiveness, and give your spouse some time forgive. If there is a way to make it up to him or her, try to do so, but only if you are being genuine about it, not just trying to get off the hook.
One form of justification that can be very damaging, is offering a half-hearted apology while making excuses, trying to put part of the blame on your spouse, or refusing to admit what you’ve done wrong. One example is saying things like, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Okay, you probably didn’t do it intentionally, but does it hurt any less? No. It still requires a genuine apology and admission that what was done was wrong.
Blame. Who hasn’t tried blaming the other person? “I’m sorry, but if you would just listen then you wouldn’t make me yell!” This is not an apology; this is a straight up excuse. We choose how to behave. Others don’t make us do anything.
These things are pretty common. We want to wiggle out of what we’ve done, but we have to take responsibility for our words and actions. We can’t say things like, “Well, if I hurt you, I’m sorry.” There is no if!
You’ll find that your husband or wife is more open to your apology when you openly admit what you’ve done and apologize in a sincere way, instead of trying to justify your actions. It will help your spouse heal faster, and your relationship can be restored more quickly.