Iris Krasnow wrote in her book Surrendering to Your Marriage that you can have sex and frolic and enjoy a great time and wake up in the morning to still be married to an idiot. While I think that is one of the most succinct pieces of advice I’ve ever read, it’s actually frighteningly accurate too. The problem with marriage is that we all get caught up in the hype.
You spend so much time embracing the false expectations and marriage myths that you lose yourself in the idea that you have to have a perfect marriage. What you end up with is a plate full of disappointment with a heaping side dish of resentment. As you can imagine, this is not the recipe for a successful marriage.
Your Saturday Morning Wake Up Call
Krasnow suggests that the best way to overcome the indigestion from such a palate is to wake up to the reality of your life and your marriage and surrender to it. Marriages are not perfect because they are not comprised of perfect people.
We were not living in a perfect world when we got married. We still had problems, disillusionments and communication issues. They didn’t miraculously evaporate when you strolled up the aisle only to once again reappear a few months after the newness of the experience wore off.
Choosing to love someone in the face of their flaws and disappointments is the key to a successful marriage. Does this mean you won’t ever have an argument? Of course not – but if you flee the first time the waters get rocky – you will never know the joy that a long marriage can bring
Surrendering is not Losing
Too often we associate the phrase of surrender with losing or giving up. Surrendering yourself means letting yourself feel vulnerable. It means letting yourself love. It means letting yourself enjoy who you are and what you have with each other. It also means even when you are angry and resentful and bitter, that you choose to love your spouse and let that love provide you with comfort as you work through your problems.
Have you surrendered to your marriage?
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