Marriage is a lot like an ocean of feeling – some feelings are warm and sultry while others are chilly. There are undertows and there are riptides. Rising tides can be a result of conflicts or a result of intense passion and closeness. Just because the tides of feeling are running high does not mean you are coping with negative feelings all the time.
It’s important to recognize that you and your spouse are both capable of being extremely passionate people. When there is a wealth of passion between people whether it relates to each other, to a cause, to an interest or hobby or just to life in general – it can be like walking through a field of landmines and being startled when one goes off.
Personal Experience
There are plenty of things that I am passionate about and the same can be said for my husband. Our passions do not always mesh. In fact, on more than one occasion our passions have created positions of polar opposites between us. For example, he thrives when our extended family or friends or both are all around. If it were possible, he’d have a house full of people all the time. I on the other hand, am passionate about quiet time and private time with just my immediate family or just the two of us.
As you can see – our passions are in opposition to each other. I like having our friends and family over – but their presence constantly can be wearing and I don’t thrive in the crowded, noisy atmosphere. Over the years, I’ve grown to appreciate why my husband loves it and he in turn, has grown to understand why I love our privacy and quiet time.
So you can see – our tides of feeling could be a source of conflict, but we choose what conflicts and battles we will fight out between us. As passionate as I am about quiet time and as passionate as he is about having family and friends over – we are more passionate about seeing that we fulfill each other’s needs and desires.
You Make a Choice
You make a choice when you marry someone. You choose to embrace everything about them. You want to see them happy. You want to have their needs met. Sometimes, seeing those needs met means watching a movie that may not be your cup of tea or going out to dinner with a couple that are not the most entertaining or hosting a family get together that generates a little extra work or even helping friends move from one location to another.
We all make choices. We all make sacrifices and we are all in a position to choose. Our marriages are illustrated by our tides of feeling – but it’s still up to us whether we let the tides knock us down – or we grab our surfboards and ride the waves.
How do you cope with the tides of feeling in your marriage?
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