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Marriage Tips: You Can’t Take It Back

When you say things that are mean or hurtful – just saying you are sorry does not make it better. In fact – no matter how you apologize for hurtful actions – you can’t take them back. Far too often we say thoughtless things or we commit thoughtless actions and while we may never have meant to give offense or hurt someone else’s feelings – inevitably we do and you can’t just take back that action – you can’t undo it and make it as though it never happened.

So What Do You Do if You Can’t Take it Back?

Just because you can’t take it back, doesn’t mean you can’t affect a repair to the damage done during the course of the relationship. In fact, repairs are something married couples perform every day in order to recover their marital equilibrium. For example, during a tense exchange over the finances –one of you cracks a joke that elicits a smile from the other.

That’s a repair.

You and your spouse are both over tired and working long hours. You’ve had very little time for each other amidst your family, home and career obligations. You find yourselves snapping at each other more than conversing. In the middle of one such exchange, one of you takes the fall and says: you know, you’re right – I am a thoughtless jerk.

That’s a repair.

Repairs Are Vital to the Success of a Relationship

Repairs are when you defuse the heated emotion and offer entreaty to cease conflict. Whether you do it through a joke, accepting responsibility or through an apology – one makes the repair gesture and the other must accept it. It’s a mistake to think you are always the one who must cave because a repair cannot work if the other married partner doesn’t accept it.

So perhaps you can’t take back a thoughtless action or remark, but you can repair the damage that is done. You and your spouse probably make repair attempts and acceptances all the time – as you may well know it takes both of you – one to offer and one to accept. How do you and your spouse offer repairs?

Related Articles:

Marriage Communication: Nagging Doesn’t Work

Marriage Tips: Two’s Company

Marriage Tips: Make Love Your Decision

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About Heather Long

Heather Long is 35 years old and currently lives in Wylie, Texas. She has been a freelance writer for six years. Her husband and she met while working together at America Online over ten years ago. They have a beautiful daughter who just turned five years old. She is learning to read and preparing for kindergarten in the fall. An author of more than 300 articles and 500+ web copy pieces, Heather has also written three books as a ghostwriter. Empty Canoe Publishing accepted a novel of her own. A former horse breeder, Heather used to get most of her exercise outside. In late 2004, early 2005 Heather started studying fitness full time in order to get herself back into shape. Heather worked with a personal trainer for six months and works out regularly. She enjoys shaking up her routine and checking out new exercises. Her current favorites are the treadmill (she walks up to 90 minutes daily) and doing yoga for stretching. She also performs strength training two to three times a week. Her goals include performing in a marathon such as the Walk for Breast Cancer Awareness or Team in Training for Lymphoma research. She enjoys sharing her knowledge and experience through the fitness and marriage blogs.