If you support your child’s decisions does that mean that you agree with them? My daughter is getting married, she is only 18. We all think she is too young, they are both too young, does that mean we refuse to participate or do we support them but let them know that we wish they would wait?
This is where I am right now. My only child has decided to get married. I tried to talk her out of it, not because I don’t like her boyfriend but because at 18 and 20 I feel that they are too young. There is so much time, so much for them to do, so much life to live before they settle down. They don’t want to hear it. My daughter said “Mom, I want you to be part of my wedding but I’m going to do this with or without you.” There is nothing in this world that will keep me from my daughter’s wedding, whether I feel she should wait or not.
My ex husband is not speaking to me right now. He has accused me of “encouraging” our daughter to get married, he told me to put a stop to this, like I could. I think not living in this house with our child day in and day out has made him forget that she has a mind of her own. Hailey will generally say whatever her Daddy wants to hear because she doesn’t want to upset him. Not this time, this time she is doing what she wants and doesn’t care what any of us have to say about it. My daughter is strong willed and determined. I know that once she makes up her mind there is no changing it. We could march out every example of a young marriage that didn’t work and she would come right back with ones that have. I guess this is what I get for teaching her to think for herself, that her opinions and thoughts matter. Who knew that would come back to bite me so soon.
I thought when Hailey was smaller, when I was first divorced that it would get easier, it hasn’t, it’s just harder in a different way. There are so many things I want for my child, so many experiences, so much living I want her to do, mostly I want her to make better choices than I did. How do I protect my child from the possibility of being a single parent one day? What skills can I give her that will help her weather all the storms that marriage will bring? How do I hold her hand while letting go?
This is a huge step. I’ve talked to both of them about marriage, how hard it is, even when it’s really, really good, it’s still work, each and every day. My only hope at this point is that the two of them, both coming from divorced homes, will try harder to protect their families from the devastation of divorce. I hope they want something better for themselves and their children, I hope they fight harder for their marriage and are more willing to compromise and remember why they fell in love in the first place. Mostly I wish them happiness and a love, respect and mutual admiration that makes everything else seem insignificant.