We’ve been presented with another match, and when I read the information I was convinced this was an absolute “No.” There was very little hesitation from me this time around. Although I still feel horribly bad saying that, there are just some things we absolutely cannot accept… at least not at this point in time.
Still, I discussed the child with Tom. I thought, after sixteen years together, that I had him figured out. I sort of thought I had a good handle on the type of person he is, and I thought I could predict the type of child he would be willing to consider adopting, as well as the type of child he would not consider.
I thought this was one of those that he would not consider. This girl is angry. Very angry. While I understand why she is angry, and I am okay with the anger itself… she has been known to be violent, or at least threaten violence, towards herself and towards others people. Siblings, peers, grandparents, foster families…
She’s young. She’s had a very hard time in life so far. She has not matured enough to know how to handle the extreme emotions that she is experiencing, and she doesn’t realize that taking it out on others is not going to make it better. She doesn’t know how to make it better, she doesn’t know how to feel better… and I would imagine that she is reacting in the only way she knows how.
Understanding all that… we have three children in this home already, children who, while they are not sheltered from the world around them and they are aware that there is anger and violence in the world, are not accustomed to living around people like that. They are not used to that sort of anger, and the potential of violence, being a part of their every day lives.
We can’t put them at risk. Whether this girl will ever act on violent tendencies, or whether her words are just empty threats, we may never know. For me, it’s too big of a risk. I cannot put my own children at risk, and I don’t think that anyone would blame me for that.
If our children were grown and on their own, and it was only Tom and I taking that risk, I would be considering this. I would be reacting much differently if that were the situation. But it’s not.
I told Tom what I thought. I told him that I was pretty sure we should just say no to this one and move on. I didn’t even think that it was necessary to go any further or show even a hint of interest in this case.
His reaction surprised me, to say the least.
He wants to talk to her case worker.