I have written occasionally here in the Single Parents Blog about my own experiences with dating and definitely about my journey as a single parent. I date, I have dated, and I have had one heartbreaking attempt at a long-term relationship since my divorce several years ago. Most of the time, I feel nothing but gratitude and appreciation for my fabulous life. I have absolutely nothing to complain about—three terrific, healthy kids; marketable skills and a work ethic that allows me to a decent job of providing for everyone’s needs; and friends and family who love me, or at least care about me. Every once in a while, however, as the years pass, I cannot help but think there might very well be something wrong with me. After all, I have yet to “achieve” that long term mutually loving relationship and I am not getting any younger. Perhaps I really am unmateable? I am one of those people who just doesn’t get it?
I wanted to write about this topic because I know this is on the minds of many older single parents—after all, everywhere we turn there are reminders that something is missing. Each time we say “no” to a potential suitor because we know they are wrong for us, each birthday that passes, each time a well-meaning friend or family member asks us if we are “seeing anyone”—we are reminded that we are not getting any younger and what is so unlovable about us anyway?
I confess that I cannot help but wonder if I have become too independent, too self-aware, and too mature to be attractive to anyone. After all, isn’t it drama, flaws, and neediness that attracts? How many movies have I watched and books have I read where the spoils go to the younger, or the needy, or it is only when the characters admit how broken and needy they are that they find love. In all honesty, while I absolutely believe in love and passion—I think there are some of us who get it and some of us who don’t. It just doesn’t come to everyone and maybe, just maybe, I am one of those folks who won’t find it this time around.
What single parent doesn’t ask him or herself what the future holds? Who among us hasn’t wondered if our destiny is to be a parent, worker, friend, etc. and not someone’s partner?