I am not going to lie here, I would like my kids to appreciate me and respond with manners and glowing love when I interact with them. But, in all honesty, that’s not the way it happens much of the time. In fact, with teenagers (and younger children too), the reaction we get from our children is seldom glowing or what we imagine would happen in the Cleaver household! AND, if we get too caught up in how our children our responding to us, we can lose the calm, detached, confident stance that makes parenting effective.
I think that sometimes kids don’t know how to respond! Whether we are offering compliments or direction, it takes a while for children two learn not only what is appropriate, but also to get outside of themselves and their own “I’m the center of the world” mentality to think about how their responses affect other people. They say that parenting is a “thankless” job and if we are expecting that thanks to come from our kids–we will probably be waiting for a very long time.
I also think that children learn best through modeling, so over time they start to pick up what is the best and most reasonable way to respond to other people–even parents. While we do not have to tolerate disrespect from our children, any parent will tell you that we certainly can not control or always get the response we’re looking for from our children.
So, instead of trying to illicit and control the responses we want from our children (and getting locked in power struggles), maybe we should not worry about it so much, and focus instead on doing what we think is right, and modeling healthy and respectful behavior for them to absorb over time. After all, as I wrote the other day, parenting is an on-going process.
See Also: Parenting is a Process
Where Do Parents Learn Their Tricks and Secrets?
Selective Silence–Sometimes Less Works Best