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MEN TORch the Chance of Boys Becoming Non-Violent Men

Come on men. Where are you? Our boys are in trouble. There are not enough male mentors signing up to mentor our collective sons. I have been involved in training mentors for young people since 2000. Overwhelmingly the mentor trainees are women. While this is great for our girls, what about our boys? Leading boys is something that women can do, but men leading boys may be far more powerful.

Boys are socialized to like and do different things. They are unique. Boys have different physiology, different skills, and often, different ways of thinking. These differences need to be celebrated and channeled. Strong boys need strong and positive male role models. Where are you?

Child abuse and domestic violence are gendered crimes. This means that males against females perpetrate the far greater amount of reported abuses. However, many males do not abuse females. Unfortunately, these non-violent men are getting more difficult to find. Perhaps they are at home, busy mentoring their own children or caring for their families. Perhaps they are so perturbed by the state of their gendered cohort that they choose not to engage in volunteer programs. I do not know because I am not a man.

What I do know is that mentoring desperately needs you. We need non-violent males to carry the torch of what it really means to be a man, rather than you torching the chance of success for boys growing into functional men. Our sons negative emotional health is at danger of becoming a contagion of pandemic devastation. Women cannot, and should not have to, right the wrongs done by men – the wrongs that are being role modeled to our sons: my sons.

If men are part of the problem in violence against women, they are also part of the answer. This Sexual Violence Awareness Month I challenge non-violent men to dare to positively impact upon mentoring of boys. Take up the torch, spread the light of mentoring and help lead our boys into a non-violent world of acceptance, trust and peace. I’ve got to tell you men, that your absence has raised many questions in me over the years:

• Do many men have criminal convictions and therefore are not allowed to become mentors?

• Are all men so selfish that they will not freely give of a few hours per fortnight to help our youth?

• Do men just not care about boys because all men had rotten childhoods so therefore, the boys can suffer too – it helps build character?

I know at an emotional level that these are not men’s reasons for mentoring absenteeism, but at a cognitive level, your absence is severely noted and the reasons why are unclear.

To women readers, without spamming, send this article to at least one male who may not realize his worth as a mentor. Perhaps the mentoring marketing is not reaching the men and therefore the mentoring programs need to address this. At a community level though, we have far greater power as marketers than any fancy marketing company does. We know people. We know real men who would never hurt a child or woman. Reach out to them and give them the opportunity to carry the torch of mentoring straight into the mental health of a male child who is waiting for a strong and non-violent male mentor.

Here’s some General Mentoring Links from around our borderless world:

Big Brother / Big Sister USA

Big Brother / Big Sister Canada

Big Brother / Big Sister Australia

Youth Mentoring Network (Australia).

Cairns Youth Mentoring Scheme (the wonderful scheme I am involved with and the place I met my husband).

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