Yesterday was pretty typical in the life of a young Mormon mommy. I spent all my time breaking up fights, trying not to cry as mess after mess was cleaned up (by me) and recreated (by the children). By the time my husband got home, I was ready for a time-out (for me). I went into the bedroom and treated myself to a book.
A couple of hours later, my husband came in. He’d put the children to bed, the house was quiet, and I felt much refreshed. I thanked him for the wonderful reprieve, then stood up to grab a snack. “I haven’t had enough solid food today,” I commented.
My husband went still. “I gave you all I could,” he said. “I put the kids to bed.”
I was completely flummoxed. Had he made me a snack? I thought about the evening . . . no, I was pretty sure he hadn’t fed me. And what did putting the children to bed have to do with the fact that I was hungry? Unless you count the fact that they like to eat my food.
Finally, it dawned on me that we’d had a miscommunication.
“Honey, did you think I said I hadn’t had enough solitude?”
He nodded. “Isn’t that what you said?”
Understanding is a good thing. “No, I said solid food.”
We both had a good laugh and I went to get a snack. His feelings were soothed and he no longer felt like he’d given all he could to an ungrateful wife. I felt as though I’d been listened to. Life was good.
I wish I could say that all our miscommunications were solved this easily. They’re not. They also happen quite a bit more than I’d really like them to. It seems that not one day goes by without one or the other of us saying, “What? I don’t know what you mean.” Sometimes feelings are hurt. Sometimes we argue. Sometimes we have to talk it out for hours in order to restore those “loving feelings.” Marriage is just like that.
But there is one thing I’ve found that helps us to stave off these misunderstandings. Whenever we take the time to pray and ask for the Spirit to be with us, we tend to understand each other better.
The Spirit testifies to us of things that are true and reveals the meaning of things to us. Marriage is crucial to the Father’s plan and He wants us to succeed in our marriages. Doesn’t it make sense that Our Father would send His Spirit to help us along in our marriages?
Satan is the father of lies and he wants us to be confused. He doesn’t want God’s plan to be successful and he does everything he can to tear families apart. Doesn’t it make sense that he would take advantage of the misunderstandings that naturally occur in marriage and try to turn them into arguments?
Praying for the Spirit to guide our words and to interpret our spouse’s meanings for us is a powerful tool in building our marriages on words of trust and love. It’s far too easy for chance comments to go astray, to make jokes we think are funny only to discover that our spouse didn’t get what we meant. By making the Spirit a partner in our marriage, we can have conversations that build and edify our relationships rather than tear them apart.
Words are powerful. Marriage is crucial. Let’s do what we can to keep our words harmonious and uplifting so that together, we can work for that goal of eternal life.
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