If you ever fall in love with someone in the military, chances are good you will be separated at some point. My husband and I met two and a half weeks before he to move to Pensacola, Florida – a seven-hour drive from Memphis, where I lived. We then decided to try to do the long distance thing. Once a month, one of us would try to drive to the other’s home. We did this for three years. Because I had a job where I could take vacation time whenever I wanted, usually I did the traveling. But, before you start to feel too sorry for me, remember that I got to leave Memphis and visit a beach town each month!
Separation can be hard, but you can live through it. We were lucky because we were in our thirties when we met and had both done the party/dating thing. One thing that is important is you need to be committed to making the relationship work – both of you! This can be hard, but it can work. In this day and age of email, it is possible to communicate on a daily basis without it breaking the bank, so there is no reason to go without talking to each other. Even when my husband (then fiance) had to do a six-month stint in Okinawa, Japan, we didn’t run up the phone bill. He took my laptop. Got an Internet connection, and we emailed daily. That was in 2000, so it is probably much easier to do today.
Deployments to war zones are hard, especially if you have children. But, the military is able to stay in contact much better than ever before. If you are married, it is important to have a good support system around you. If your family or friends are not close, get yourself involved in activities. You can find other wives of deployed military – at least it will give you someone to talk to who understands what you are going through. Get in touch with your KEY Volunteer if you need anything. And, be prepared to handle things on your own. If the car breaks, you are the one that is going to have to take it to the shop. If the refrigerator breaks, you are the one who is going to have to buy a new one.
Finally, remember that your significant other cannot help where he or she is. It was probably not their choice to be taken away from those they love for a deployment. So when you are lucky enough to talk to them on the phone, try to stay positive and not talk about all the problems their leaving caused. Separation is hard on anyone, but you can live through it – people do all the time!