One of the biggest challenges of parenting is trying to figure out WHY our children are misbehaving—we look to things like whether or not they are getting enough rest, do they need attention, and what else is going on in their lives? As single parents, we might also consider whether our child is trying to process other stresses, anxiety, grief, etc. that may be manifesting into misbehaviors.
When my children were younger, we would have “re-entry” days whenever they came back from weekends at their dad’s house. It was generally a moody, squabbling, misbehaving day or two before we started to get back in our own groove. I am sure that there were all sorts of things that played into that—the grief of missing their dad, getting used to being back at “the red house” as we called it then (trying to be neutral and avoid calling one house “home”), anxiety about the differences between the rules and schedules and other details from one house to another.
While we cannot allow the misbehaviors or let our kids act out too much or pick on each other, if we understand where it might be coming from, it can help us make wiser decisions about how to react. Helping our children to talk through the stresses and anxieties may help curb the misbehaviors: “I’ve noticed that you get really destructive with your toys the night before you are going to your dad’s house—are you feeling sad or upset about having to change houses?” It can always be a little touchy since we want to open up the lines of communication without leading our children. Still, we need to try to be open and able to “hear” the sorts of anxieties, fears, and worries they might be experiencing if we are going to be truly helpful.
I also found that figuring out a way of allowing for better transitions could help. Sometimes children feel incredibly powerless and giving them things they can do and be involved more in the process of the transitions or working through missing people, grief, worries, etc. in more productive and healthy ways can help to address the misbehavior issues.
Also: Acting Up when They Need Attention
Some Attention Needs to be Undivided