I started working on Logan’s scrapbook again tonight. I’ve taken a year and a half hiatus because the page I had ended on happened to be of Logan and his dad. After the divorce it was just too painful to go back to those pictures of how things were supposed to be. I was still so hurt by everything that he had done that I couldn’t bear to look at that picture. I needed some time to heal before I could return to this project I had once been so fond of.
As I was looking through these pictures tonight I was a little sad. Not so much because of that picture but because so much would be missing from this scrapbook of his life now. This journal of his life will only show one side, the side with me. I no longer will have pictures to add with his father. Because of our divorce, the other half of his story will be missing.
As a child this was always hard for me. I too came from a broken family. When my mother remarried her new husband made her throw out all pictures of my birthfather. Growing up I felt as if that part of my life had been erased. I don’t have one picture of me with my father. While he was never a very stand-up guy it would be a lie to say he hasn’t had a profound effect on my life. But that chapter of my life is missing from my book.
While I will no longer have pictures to add from that side of my son’s family, I will never erase what was there in the beginning. I want him to be able to see the happy memories. I want him to see his family together since he will have no physical memory of it. These pictures will tell a story, and while it wasn’t a perfect one it will never be erased.