We’ve been running around all day. We had a blast, but we barely had a chance to sit down and breathe. By the time we finally got home Logan went straight to his dad’s, which was fine because I had a lot of cleaning to catch up on from the last couple of days. I ran from one thing to the next trying to hurry and get everything done before my little munchkin got home. As we were sitting in bed reading bedtime stories tonight he said, “Mommy, when I’m at Dad’s I miss you.” My little heart melted and ached all at the same time. One of the difficult things about being divorced is that your child is always missing somebody. If they’re with you they miss their dad, if they’re with their dad they’re missing you.
The sting is deeper some times than others, but it is always there. No matter what they are missing one of their parents and one of them is missing him. The first year was tough on both me and Logan. Some nights he would cry so much his dad would bring him home in the middle of the night. My nights often felt empty without my child by my side. I sat in this big empty house missing the pitter patter of little feet running this way and that. It felt strange not reading stories before bed. I just missed him.
On one particularly difficult night my mother said, “Sarah, I know how you feel and it stinks, but you are going to have to make this be an out of sight out of mind kind of thing or you just aren’t going to make it. You can’t be miserable anymore.” She was right. Mothers usually are. So I began busying myself with other things while he was gone. Each time he was leaving I made a long list of things I wanted to get done. Some of them were things I had to do, like laundry, or vacuuming, or dishes. Others were things that I wanted to do, watch a show, do a craft, work on his scrapbook. I started to keep myself so busy that I thought of little else. It helped me keep my mind off of how much I missed my son. If I dwelled on it I just wasn’t going to make it.
Kids can do the same kinds of things when they are missing their parents. There are plenty of things to keep their minds on other things. Keep them busy working on a craft with you or take them to the library to find a cool new book to read. Let them color a picture for their other parent or write a note to them. It’s natural for them to miss their other parent. It doesn’t mean they love you any less, it just means that when they are with you they are missing the person who isn’t there. Don’t discourage this, no matter how much animosity there is with your ex. He is your child’s father and it’s okay if they miss him sometimes, because when they’re with him they’re probably missing you a whole lot too.