Well it’s been another successful dieting week as far as the eating goes I’m happily relieved to report. No backsliding, no hidden treats, not even a day when I’ve exceeded the amount of Weight Watcher points that I’m allowed to have. I feel positively angelic to be honest – like my Weight Watcher wings should be getting fitted any day now (HAH!) – but I was still feeling nervous getting on the scales this morning. It’s starting to feel like that guilty feeling you get going through customs control at the airport. You KNOW you haven’t anything with you that you shouldn’t have, and yet, you still think ….what if they stop me, what if they search me, what if they empty my bags – just what do you think they’re going to find that makes you feel guilty? Nothing, because you’ve done nothing wrong!” Exactly! And that’s how I feel at my weekly weigh-in sessions! I’ve done nothing that I shouldn’t have done but I feel so anxious that I’ll get on the scale and the result of my non-existent cheat-eating will have to be recorded for all to see!
I think guilt and weight go hand-in-hand for many of us. Like so many other women I know who are overweight, I have no explanation for mine. I was a stick insect until I hit puberty and then everything went wrong. I never over-ate. I never binged. Milk, was a big factor I think for me because I loved drinking milk – but other than that I usually ate the same as my peers, and I was a good deal taller than most of them! I didn’t gain weight during either of my pregnancies either – only the weight associated with the baby itself. Once the first baby was born he thought it was a crime for me to eat so most days I’d go 6-7 hours without anything to eat until my hubby came in and took over baby patrol so I could find some food!
Yet, despite all of this, if we go to a fast food outlet, I feel guilty because of my size. I don’t feel guilty enough to stop going because my McDonald’s breakfasts once a week are something I really look forward to, but I do think that everyone is staring at me and thinking “What right does she have to be here at her size? She should be home with a lettuce leaf and carrot!”
Anyway, you’ll want the numbers so I’ll stop rambling! I’ll come back to this one another time!
My scale session this week proclaimed me to be 3 pounds lighter than last week! How great is that? So far, things are going very well, and despite that weekly anxiety attack, I’m feeling very optimistic about this diet!
Start Weight 290 lb
Current Weight 269 lb
Total Lost To Date: 21 lb
10% Goal Weight 259 lb