When we think of bullying, we typically think of kids bullying other kids. According to Ann Dunnewold, in her book, Even June Cleaver Would Forget The Juice Box, she reminds us that some parents are equally as guilty of being bullies. The bullying takes on a more subtle tone and can be expressed by “gossip, dismissal, exclusion, open or veiled criticism, teasing, manipulation, betrayal, dishonesty and humiliation”. These acts can be aimed at parent or kids. Dunnewold also points out that some moms bully by their words or gestures and much of the bullying behavior moms have is learned in middle and high school and then carried over into the parent world.
How can you identify a bullying mama? The mom who wants to always control things, be it the PTA, a fundraising committee or the soccer team. There’s a difference between being involved and having to be in control. Other bullying behavior includes excluding kids from parties and carpools, snubbing others, teasing parents about choices they (from clothing to school choice), planning events without consulting others and using their relationships with others to get special favors. Dunnewold says that even questions like, “Why do you work?” can be a form of bullying as it criticizes another mom’s choice.
Bullying is a form of extreme parenting. These moms have to control every minute and are willing to do whatever they have to do- at whatever the cost. As with kids who are bullied, moms need to realize that if they are the target of a bully it’s not their fault and furthermore, the behavior should not be tolerated. Let their mean-spirited behavior roll off you like water on a duck’s back. If your kids are being excluded from activities because of a bullying mom, make sure you explain to them that it’s nothing they have done wrong, then move on, and find a more supportive group to belong to.
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