Mom often struggled with knowing she had a heart of a young man, a 26 year old man. She often became angry that he was dead and she was alive. After all, she was a 58 year old grandmother of six, she had lived a pretty darn good life. It seemed her donor didn’t get a chance to really live.
It was during her recovery that Mom decided she wanted to contact the donor’s family. Anyone in her family could also write a letter to the donor family. Us writing letters didn’t necessarily mean that we would hear back from the donor’s family, but we wanted a chance to express our gratitude and thanks.
Both Mom and I wrote letters, telling a bit about ourselves and just giving them our heartfelt thanks and our sincere condolences. The letters were not sent directly to the donor family, instead they were sent to a liaison, the liaison then sent the letters directly to the donor family. If after the donor family wishes to respond to the letters, we were told that we would be able to write directly to the donor family without the liaison. Both sides of this issue would need to approve this, which we had. Now it was up to the donor family.
We weren’t sure if we would hear back. Imagine how pleased we were when Mom’s donor’s mother sent us both handwritten letters. In the letters she wrote of her great pride of her son. She wrote just how ecstatic she was to have heard from one of the people her son, David, helped to live. We were the only people she had heard from at that point, and she was beyond thrilled about it.
She then told us about her son, David. David was 26, the father of five children. He had met a young mother when he was 20, and fell in love. She had two children of her own and David and she went on to have three more of their own. David had been driving home after a long, tiring weekend of working in another state. No one knows for sure what happened, but at some point David lost control of his car and the car hit a pole. It was, his mom shared, the first time she knew of that David hadn’t worn his seatbelt.
He was hospitalized with serious injuries and was declared brain dead. His mother and his girlfriend had to make the decision, after sitting at his bedside for days, on whether to discontinue his life support and let David go. She said it was the toughest decision she had ever had to make, but it was decided to let David go.
During this time, his Mom remembered that David had shared with her that if anything were to ever happen to him, he wanted to donate his organs. By telling her this and by being an organ donor on his driver’s license, David’s mom realized that David would want his organs donated.
Because of David and because of his mom and his girlfriend’s brave decision, David was able to save five people by donating his organs. His mom said David would have been so proud to have helped these people, as he loved to help people.
What started as letters ended with my mom and her donor’s mom meeting face-to-face. A very emotional time for her, especially as she put her head to my mom’s chest, just to hear her son’s heart beating again. She feels as if my mom is an honorary family member. They have since met several times and have become fast friends.
In June of 2006 my mom competed in the United States Transplant Games in Louisville, Kentucky. My husband and I went to support her. Dad and I ran in a race to support organ and tissue donation. My mom walked in that same 5K race, something she never could have done before her transplant. Who walked with my mom the entire time with a picture of her son on her chest? Yes, my mom’s donor’s mom walked with my mom for the entire race. It was quite touching to see my mom with the mother of the man who saved her life.
While it was my dad and I who were waiting to hug my mom with tears in our eyes as she crossed the finish line, it was because of David she was able to even race at all. It was an incredibly emotional day to have his mother there to share it with us.