I’m sure you’ve probably heard the expression “Kids don’t come with an instruction manual.” And if you have been a parent, even for a short time, you will agree that it can be one of the hardest jobs around. Fortunately there’s no shortage of help available for harried parents.
In yesterday’s Times-Tribune, a few helpful tips were offered including:
(1) Use GEMS (Genuine Encounter Moments)– A child’s self-esteem is influenced by the quality of time spent with their parents not the amount of time. Because a lot of parents are busy they don’t get to spend time with their kids. Subsequently some kids will act out to get attention; they figure negative attention is better than any attention at all. No matter how busy we are, we should take the time to give our kids our undivided attention throughout the day.
(2) Stop nagging. We send about 2,000 requests for compliance each day and as a result our kids turn a deaf ear to a lot of what we are saying.
(3) Kids like to feel a sense of power and if we don’t give it to them they will find inappropriate ways to feel powerful. Parents can help kids feel powerful by giving them choices, having them help with tasks and even asking for their advice. Tyler has been working with me since school ended and I can see how important he feels when he does. I have done two interviews during this time and each time I introduced him as my “assistant”. Well, I can tell you he beamed both times. I also allow him to carry my camera and digital recorder and it’s his job to pass them to me when I need them. I get my work done and he feels powerful.
(4) I like this one. Use logical consequences. Sometimes when parents are angry we tend to punish excessively but there is a better way. If a child does not return a library item on time and you pay the overdue fee, instead of grounding them or not allowing them to check out material, a more logical solution is to make them pay the overdue fee from their allowance. Another way is to make them work off the money owed.
(5) Be consistent.
Finally, remember that being a parent can be frustrating, especially when you are disciplining your kids. Be firm but also kind and make sure your frustration does not lead to anger. Stay as calm as possible to avoid any additional fail out.
See also:
Setting Limits Without Causing Resentments