One of the hardest things about being a single mom is having to say no so much. When you get divorced you learn quickly that if you don’t stand your ground the kids will walk all over you. Even if you’ve been the softie in the past you learn to stand up and say no. The kids don’t like it, and at first it may seem to make things worse, but once they learn you mean it, life just gets better.
It’s always made me sad to have to tell Hailey no about things she wants that I just can’t afford. Kids have no real concept of money. They know you have a job so you must have money, they really have no idea how much it costs to maintain a family.
When I bought our house suddenly my monthly expenses doubled. The rare trips we took to the mall were canceled, eating out became a luxury we couldn’t afford. After hearing Hailey complain one too many times about all the thing she couldn’t have I decided to let her in one some real world secrets.
Hailey was fifteen so she was more than old enough to understand our financial situation without being traumatized.
I showed her what I made each month and suddenly she thought we were rich. To a kid who has never worked $200 is rich so she thought we were rich and I was holding out on her.
Then I brought out the bills and had her subtract each from my monthly income. Mortgage, car payment, car insurance, cable TV, internet, gas, electric, orthodontist bills, and on and on the list went.
When all the bills were deducted she was still pretty happy with what was left over, until I reminded her that we still needed to eat and put gas in the car.
Suddenly it didn’t look like very much money at all. Her exact words were “How do they expect you to live off what you make?” Huge change from initially thinking we were rich.
This helped reduce the amount of no’s I had to say. Hailey would start to ask for something and then realize, that she really didn’t need it and didn’t want to spend what little extra money we had on something frivolous. Certainly made trips to the mall easier.