One of our jobs as parents is to pass on some moral and ethical training for our children. This can be tough when they are young and may not developmentally be able to grasp the moral implications of some of their actions. A prime example of this can be “sharing”–it seems to be one of those things we start working on when our children are tiny and it can be a really tough moral lesson to learn. As a matter of fact, it seems to be one of those childhood lessons that needs be learned and re-learned! I thought I might explore a few more moral challenges that were “biggies” for my own children…
In our house, we always had trouble with understanding possession. I think this might be a common dilemma in families with several children. It can be hard to make hard and fast rules about what belongs to whom and what is “shared property” and to teach children how to appreciate and respect the differences. A constant phrase in our world when my children were smaller was the excuse: “But, no one was using it!” The justification, of course, being that an item was only true a possession if it was being used and controlled by its owner–otherwise, it was abandoned and therefore fair game. We still get this one around my house and my children are older teenagers–”You haven’t worn this in forever, I thought you didn’t want it any more!”
I can remember many variations on this one including the picking of neighbor’s flowers (always an awkward parenting challenge), “borrowing” from the lost-and-found box at school, and the “I found it!” justification for an item being in a non-owner’s possession. My parenting plan has been consistency and persistence in trying to influence some ethical and moral behavior where possession is in question.
I think understanding honesty and how to consider other people’s feelings are other biggies for small children. At least they were for my own kids. There are so many “shades” and “nuances” of honesty and truth-telling for young children. I know that parents can get incredibly aggravated by the natural lies and stories of the young and, again, I found it just takes consistency and persistence (and a bit more life experience) before these lessons start to “stick.”
What have been some of the moral challenges for your young children and how have you coped with providing guidance as a parent?
See Also: Learning to Make Amends and Teaching Your Kids to Lose Gracefully