We continue our Miss Malarkey series with “Testing Miss Malarkey.” A big test is coming up in school, formerly known as the Instructional Performance Through Understanding test, abbreviated to I.P.T.U, and called, by the children, the “I Pity You” test. Miss Malarkey seems nervous about it and has been working hard to prepare the children to do well on it. She says THE TEST (she always refers to it in capital letters) isn’t that important, and that it won’t go on the report cards, but why does she chew her fingernails whenever she talks about it?
She’s been cramming as much into the day as she can. At recess the class played Multiplication Mambo instead of going outside.
The day of THE TEST draws nearer, and everyone is going nuts. The principal is yelling into the phone, demanding good #2 pencils. The cafeteria is serving fish; it’s brain food, you know. Even art class is focused on THE TEST – the children practice how to fill in the little circles on the test paper. Parents are drilling the kids at home. Meetings are being held to discuss it. Why is everyone acting this way if THE TEST is no big deal?
Finally it’s test day. Miss Malarkey looks like she hasn’t slept in weeks. The principal looks like he might throw up. The children do their best, but they’re nervous too – who wouldn’t be with all that subliminal pressure?
Strangely enough, nothing else has been said about THE TEST since. Maybe it wasn’t such a big deal, just like they said.
In “You’re a Good Sport, Miss Malarkey,” it’s time to start a soccer team at school, and Miss Malarkey is the best choice to head it up. She encourages the children to find their own niche, congratulates them on their talents, and cheers them on. Okay, so sometimes those “talents” are a little unusual, like finding bugs when one is supposed to be kicking the ball, but hey, she’s encouraging nonetheless.
The parents on the sidelines enjoy yelling out advice, usually at the tops of their lungs. They don’t look very happy to be there; if they were, would they be yelling so much?
A big game is coming up and Miss Malarkey is doing her best to get everyone ready for it with motivational speeches and slogan signs. The game starts out well – no one falls down and gets hurt. The parents are strangely quiet. But then the other team scores a goal. The parents start yelling advice. Some of them run over to tell Miss Malarkey what to do. Pandemonium breaks out until Miss Malarkey yells, “Are you people crazy?”
They had to cancel the game.
Now things are very different. Parents are only allowed to clap politely at games, and they are given a lollipop to keep their mouths shut. As long as Miss Malarkey’s in charge, the focus will be to have fun.
We conclude with “Miss Malarkey’s Field Trip.” The class is going to the science center, so they’ve been studying a lot of science to get ready. Things got a little wild on the bus, and then once we reached the center, Jake got his arm stuck in a giant ear.
Then the class went into the dinosaur room. One child decided to bury another and then dig him up. Miss Malarkey’s hair stood up, but not as much as it did when they went into the electricity room. Everyone’s hair stood up then!
They went to the sports room, the astronomy room, and a little unofficial side trip to the gift shop to round up Sarah and Brianna, who had wandered off.
During lunch, Miss Malarkey started to look a little funny. She was holding her head, like she was trying to keep it from falling off, and later, during the 3-D movie, she started to look green.
On the way home, she asked the children what they had learned. Each shared a tidbit of wisdom, the most wise probably being, “Don’t stick your arm in an ear.”
Once back at the school, Miss Malarkey was still holding her head, but she was smiling.
This series of picture books geared for ages 5-9 gives children a look into the lives of their teachers and shows that teachers are people too. I thoroughly enjoyed these books.
(“Testing Miss Malarkey” was published in 2000, “You’re a Good Sport, Miss Malarkey” in 2002, and “Miss Malarkey’s Field Trip” in 2004, all by Walker and Company. Illustrator was Kevin O’Malley.)
Related Blogs:
Miss Malarkey Doesn’t Live in Room 10