My most recent parenting class looked at the topic of discipline more closely and even offered seven steps toward more effective discipline that I will provide later. As I am taking this class, I find myself asking questions such as why is effective discipline talked about so much today? Why is it so necessary for us single parents to have a consistent systematic way to train our children?
I think that part of the answer to those questions lies with trying to fight today’s microwave culture. What I mean by microwave culture is that with the onset of new technology, people expect to receive things much more quickly and to their standards than they did in the past. Thus the art of patience is lost, and young people begin to demand to have everything the Burger King way or “My way.”
Frankly, sometimes it is easier for parents to just give in to their little ones demands than to take the time to explain why they can not have it in the first place or how they can work to earn whatever it is that their little hearts desire for that moment. Single parents have the additional burden of being the primary breadwinner, and often times the only other adult fulfilling all the roles in the family.
If the majority of prisoners come from single parent, mom-headed families, as most studies point out then can I draw the inference that negative juvenile behavior stews in a permissive environment? I think I can safely draw that conclusion and say that if these men and women had a set of effective boundaries when they were younger children they may not be a part of the prison system today because they would have learned that illegal or immoral behavior is unacceptable and won’t be tolerated by the authorities in their lives.
The following steps help parents to effectively instill positive boundaries while teaching problem solving skills through discipline:
1.Unacceptable behavior should always come with a clear warning. Don’t spring a new rule on your child and expect him or her to understand your expectations without previous discussion.
2.Never discipline when you are angry. Walk away and give yourself a timeout until you are cooled off.
3.Ask your child to explain in detail what he or she did wrong to make sure they understand what rule was broken.
4.Avoid embarrassment. Don’t discipline your children in front of their friends and try as much as possible to correct them away from their siblings. Take the child into a different room to discuss what he did wrong.
5.Communicate how sad (or whatever you are feeling) to your child when they break a rule.
6.Expect sincere repentance or an apology from the child for her wrongdoing. Make sure that your child apologizes and asks for forgiveness either of you or any other person that was involved in the offense.
7.Show unconditional love. Let your children know that you do not expect perfection, everyone makes mistakes, and that you still love them.
For other tips on Effective Discipline for Single Parents, please visit this blog recently written by Nicole Humphrey.