It should have been no real surprise when using time outs to discipline my son became more or less ineffective. Even though I explained to him before and after each time out why he was in time out and what he needed to do to avoid time outs in the future, they were not getting the job done. Something had to change and it did.
We transitioned to the concept of consequences for our actions. Bad behavior earned an undesirable consequence and good behavior reaped desirable consequences. He received the same kind of warnings for bad behavior but I also asked him if he were making a good choice or a bad choice. If he failed to make a good choice and continue with the bad behavior, he would get a consequence which was either something that he had to do that he did not want to do or it could be losing the privilege of doing (or eating) something he really liked. This in no way involved any form of bribery. There is never any “if you do this, I will give you that.” It is more of, “if you do not do what you should, you will lose this thing that you would normally get.”
Knowing that something had to change to help my son’s behavior improve, I implemented the consequence discipline right away. His first consequence was given after he refused to let his sister play with a random toy (that he had decided that he had to have only because she had it). His consequence was to pick up all the toys on the floor and put them in a basket to be taken up stairs to his room. Sometimes his consequences involve missing out on dessert and sometimes they involve favorite toys being taken away and sometimes they even involve the occasional time out. For now the consequences seem to be working pretty well. Only time will tell how long they will be effective. As with all things, our disciplinary actions for our son will change as he does. We will probably be onto something new next year.