Even the most social and outgoing of babies can get frightened or suffer from separation anxiety when their mother or father drops them off at the day care or even with the sitter. Don’t be surprised if your baby resists being left with the sitter (even one that is a relative) and that you and they know very well. It’s very normal and their fears are very real.
There are lots of things you can do to help cope with this separation anxiety. You should start practicing these techniques while they are very young because they will serve you well as your son or daughter gets older and experiences anxiety on their first day of kindergarten, their first day of Sunday School and any first day at a new activity or event.
Get Off on the Right Foot
Most daycares will allow a play day for your child to come in for a couple of hours to get to know the teachers and other kids. When my daughter was two, I signed her up at a daycare for two days a week so she could socialize with other children. We just didn’t know enough other people with small ones for her to get to play with other kids and I worried about her spending too much time with adults. Her first day was 90 minutes long and I hung out with her – so she could associate me with the fun she was having.
The daycare understood my concerns and her second visit was only three hours in length and I dropped her off. She was so excited to be back among her friends that she didn’t cry or fuss at all. She took off to play and I left after a hug and kiss. When I picked her up, she was hilarious – as soon as she saw me – she threw herself down and started crying. This pattern actually continued for the first six weeks, she cried when I picked her up and not when I dropped her off.
Set the Tone
When the reverse began to occur, when she actively didn’t want me to leave her there – it was important to set the tone. I always showed her a bright and happy face. It’s important to give them a hug, a kiss and a firm goodbye with a promise of love, laughter and you will see them later. Most parents are torn up when their little ones begin to cry, but it’s often the experience that most of the crying stops within five to ten minutes and they become actively involved in what is going on.
For the older toddler, you can always give them something of yours to keep safe for you until you get back. My daughter kept one of my t-shirts with her and when it was her naptime at the facility, they let her put it on over her clothes – she would snuggle up in the t-shirt and sleep very soundly.
Finally, no matter how hard it is, always make sure your child knows you are leaving. Sneaking out may seem easier, especially if they are engaged, but they need to know you are going. It’s far worse for them to look up and suddenly realize you are gone – they can experience panic, fear and a myriad of emotions that you do not want them to feel.
How do you handle separation anxiety when you drop your toddler off with a care provider?
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