If I were allowed to give one only bit of advice to parents who have young children or children on the verge of becoming teenagers, I would tell them this…choose your battles. There is honestly no better advice than this.
When our children are younger, we tend to have two schools of thought when it comes to how the teen years will play out. Either we dread it and assume it will be nothing but trouble or we believe that we will never have trouble because we are going to be the kind of parents who lay down the law.
Most parents will end up finding it to be somewhere in the middle. But no matter how it goes, the best advice I can give is to choose your battles.
There are things I used to see in other teens and I would say either to myself or out loud, “I would never allow my teen to do such and such” or “wear such and such” and so on.
One of the biggest pet peeves I had when my children were younger was seeing a teenager with some crazy hairstyle, particularly one that had colors in it. I would think no way would I ever allow my child to look like that.
But you know what? I would now. Because it isn’t a battle worth waging, and I am learning that teens are about more than what is on the outside. It is really about the person within. If I spend all my time focusing on the outside…the skinny jeans, the Madonna-styled gloves, the teased hair, the holes in the jeans…yet neglect to train my teen’s character then I am not going to get anywhere.
Some things just aren’t worth battling over. So you pick those things that you have morals and standards about and you stick to defending those.
What I have learned is that my teens respect me more when I am not badgering them about every little thing. They know that when I do put my foot down, it is something of importance and value to me. That gives me more leverage and they are more understanding.
Nothing can really prepare you for the teen years, so don’t even try to assume you know how it will play out. Take my word, if there is one thing you should remember…it is to choose your battles and choose them wisely.
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