Tomorrow would have marked my 4th anniversary with my ex-husband. It’s hard to remember what life was even like back then, it seems a lifetime ago. I remember feeling in the pit of my stomach that I was making the biggest mistake of my life as I walked down the aisle. My head knew things weren’t going to work, but my heart was too stubborn to listen and convinced me to go through with it. I so desperately wanted a “happily ever after family.” I wanted my son to grow up with both of his parents living under the same roof. If I didn’t marry him, I knew there was no chance of that ever happening. I held on to that miniscule glimmer of hope that we could make it work and went through with the marriage despite my head’s better judgment.
I did everything I could to make that marriage work. I put up with things that no woman in their right mind would put up with. I chose to look the other way despite the cheating and the drugs, because I couldn’t bear the thought of my son’s parents not being together. It took him packing up for me to realize that it just wasn’t going to work. I had tried so hard to make things work, to make him want to be home with us that I changed everything. Even something as silly as being willing to play video games with him, if only he would stay with us rather than running off with his friends. In the end, I had completely lost all sense of self and I was beyond miserable. I felt incredibly stagnant in my life, but wasn’t able to do what I needed to do to get out because I was holding on to a dream.
The night my husband left was a blessing to me, though it took me several months to realize it. True, my son will never remember what it was like to have his parents under the same roof, but I’m not sure I’d want him to. I want him to know how a marriage should be. I want him to see two people who love each other, who compromise, and enjoy each other’s company. That would never have happened before. My divorce gave me a second chance to do things the way I had always wanted. It made me take control of my life, to reach my goals, and become the woman I wanted to be all along. I would not be the woman I am today without my divorce. I have a firm belief that my divorce was orchestrated to teach me things that I could not have learned any other way. I know who I am and where I am going because of my divorce. As difficult as the road has been, I wouldn’t change a thing, because it truly has been one of the greatest blessings of my life.