Guilt is such a worthless emotion. I mean really, what good does feeling guilty do for anyone? Unfortunately guilt is a major factor influencing many people’s actions, especially in my family. While I know Jewish people don’t have exclusive rights to the emotion, I think we may have perfected it.
My Bubbe (grandmother) has been living with my parents for almost ten years now. When my parents first brought Bubbe down from Philadelphia she was still an active woman up for whatever adventure we had in store. While never an overly cheery individual by any stretch of the imagination, she was engaging with her sharp wit and quick mind. She was always ready to share her opinion on whatever we were discussing. (She always had an opinion.)
But, in the last couple of years her health and attitude have gone down hill. When she would come to the dinner table or living room with the rest of the family, she would sit quietly and listen occasionally interacting. And then she fell. She is now confined to her bed unable to walk or move (much) on her own.
My sisters and I have been telling my parents for awhile now that maybe it was time to find Bubbe a nice assisted-living facility; that being in their house was not such a great arrangement anymore. We could see it was getting harder and harder for them to take care of her, and harder and harder for her to be taken care of; there was a lot of resentment and heartache on both sides.
But, my parents just would not listen. They love Bubbe and want the best for her. And despite evidence to the contrary, they believe that the best is for her to stay with them. It is guilt that is driving this decision. I know because if you looked at it logically, it is not the best for her, or for them, or for anyone involved. But once again guilt has overtaken their senses and blinded them to reality.