When your cancer treatments are done most people think you are done with cancer. The reality is much different. The psychological issues that come with a cancer diagnosis last long after the last treatment is over. With me, at my first oncology appointment the doctor said to me “We can treat you this time but when it comes back we can’t”. First let me say that those words from him caused me a great deal of stress. Here is this doctor and he is basically telling me I was going to have a recurrence and it would kill me.
For a 35 year old wife and mother of three small children this statement almost drove me crazy. In my mind I wanted the “girls” gone. They had betrayed me by getting cancer and I just wanted them gone. Don’t get me wrong I loved the “girls”, they had been there for me and I grew rather attached to them. Now when I thought of them I thought of cancer. The stress the doctor gave me just added to the stress I already had. You honestly cannot get the cancer diagnosis without getting stress, it’s like a 2 for 1 deal that no one wants to take advantage of.
When I first got the diagnosis I wanted to have mastectomies. I wanted the scene of the crime gone and I wanted to lessen the likelihood that it would come back and increase the likelihood that I would see my kids grow up I checked with my health insurance and they would cover prophylactic bilateral mastectomies, they would even do it if an immediate family had it and I wanted to do it to lessen the risk of getting it. So if my insurance was willing to pay for it and I was willing to do it why would my oncologist tell me no? His answer no you are too young you should keep your breast. Well last time I checked they were mine and I should be able to do what I wanted. He had me agree to wait for one year and see if I still wanted to do it.
During the year that came, I stressed every day that the cancer was coming back. I did daily breast checks and with any scar tissue I noticed I thought for sure it was cancer. I underwent ultrasounds and needle biopsies just to be sure. This was no way to live.