Anyone who has parented a special needs child understands it’s an all-consuming responsibility. As parents (and especially mothers) we have a tendency to pour our whole heart and soul into the special care of our son or daughter. Our instinct to nurture takes over, and we expect to be the “rescuer” who will make everything all better. We run ourselves ragged. We worry; we agonize. We don’t eat right and get enough sleep. And this eventually causes stress to overwhelm our bodies.
Stress Took Over My Life
In a previous blog I wrote about my own personal battle with stress while my children were younger. All of my symptoms were classic, textbook indicators of stress overload. But most of the medical personnel I dealt with didn’t have answers. I was tested for every illness under the sun, and I firmly believed that at some point I would get a diagnosis. Heck, I wanted one. I was so tired of feeling ill and thought a diagnosis might help me find treatment.
One particular doctor had me wear a heart monitor for several days. And he eventually prescribed heart medication for me. I am still amazed that I actually had a prescription for heart medication in my possession! Something told me not to get that prescription filled. Good thing. There was absolutely nothing wrong with my heart. I had described a squeezing and tightening sensation in my chest, which is another classic symptom of stress. It just goes to show that if you insist to the world that you are sick, somebody will finally shrug and give you meds. But they may be all wrong.
If you are experiencing the following symptoms, you’re probably overstressed:
- Fatigue
- Hopeless outlook on life
- Crying frequently
- Body aches and pains
- Greater sensitivity to your body…noticing every bump, bruise, ache, and pain
- Tingling and numbness, or crawling sensations
- Restlessness and inability to sleep
- Worrying constantly
- Rapid heart beat, sensations that your chest is tightening
- Feelings of panic or doom
- Preoccupation with death
- Fear that you’re losing your mind
How Stress Causes Physical Symptoms
When the body’s brain chemistry is altered by stress, our “happy messengers,” like serotonin, noradrenalin, and dopamine, stop doing their jobs as efficiently. Without these happy messengers at work, we automatically begin to experience the above symptoms. Typically the first one is the inability to get a restful sleep. That’s because serotonin manages our sleep cycles. Then, once our sleep is disrupted, the other symptoms start to occur. The noradrenalin runs low, causing low energy. And the dopamine runs low, causing aches, pains, and depression.
I’ve heard numerous stories like mine. I have a sister who struggled with a stress-related illness and I recognized the signs because they were so similar to mine. I also had a friend ask about his wife, who was in bed with mysterious pains and numbness. After what I went through, I’m determined to let people know that, especially if you’ve received a normal physician’s check-up, your weird symptoms are almost certainly indicative of stress overload. You’re not crazy; you’re not losing your mind, and you’re not dying. Look at your life…is it stressful? You’ve got a child with special needs. Of course it is.
So what can I do?
- Get yourself on a tight daily routine. Have a strict bedtime, and a set time for exercise, meals, etc. Your body and brain chemistry have become off-balance and you need to reset your internal clock.
- Start a regular exercise regimen. You will benefit tremendously from scheduled exercise. Walk, jog, lift weights, swim, ride a bicycle, do yoga, take a stair-stepping class. It doesn’t matter what, but do something every day, around the same time. Make it something enjoyable. Be sure to take the time to stretch your muscles before and after exercising.
- Eat right. Add healthy foods, especially vegetables, to your diet. Take a multi-vitamin.
- Give yourself a break. Find a regular babysitter; enroll your child in some after school activities, or find something that will give you time to breathe. Ask family members or friends to help. Try a respite worker. Cut your to-do list in half. Take some time off work. Let the housework go, or hire someone to temporarily do some cleaning.
- Get emotional support. A lot of your physical symptoms are connected to your depression and anxiety. Having a counselor, family member, or friend (probably not your spouse, who is also stressed) to talk to will help you release a lot of grief and anxiety. You may also want to seek a parent support group for parents of children with your child’s disorder. See my blog, “Finding Support: Parents of Special Needs Children.”
- Try deep breathing exercises for relaxation. Lay on your back, and breathe through your nose very slowly, filling up your lungs like balloons. Watch your belly rise as you breathe. Then exhale through the mouth, slowly, as if you are letting the air escape from a tiny hole. Do this several times a day. It feeds oxygen to your brain and turns on your relaxation response.
- Find a caring physician to work with. This was a breakthrough for me. I found a doctor who actually listened and took notes and not only examined my symptoms but what was going on in my life. A good physician will know if there are any other illnesses which need to be ruled out, while also being well-aware of how stress can manifest itself in the body.
- Try medication. If none of the above steps provide the relief you need, medication may be helpful. There are brain-chemical re-balancers which can boost your serotonin level. The same way a diabetic’s body does not make enough insulin, your body is not making enough serotonin and other chemicals for you to function well. Some of these boosters will raise only the serotonin level, others will raise the serotonin, noradrenalin, and dopamine together. Some of these medications are called (generic names) Nortriptyline, Imipramine, Desipramine, Clomipramine, Doxepin, Trazadone, and Fluoxetine. Most people notice that with the right dosage, they are able to sleep again, their aches and pains diminish, and they feel happier, and more able to face their life’s challenges. And the medication is usually only needed temporarily, until the brain’s chemicals are re-balanced.
Take your stress overload seriously, and use the above steps to break free. You deserve to be happy and have a satisfying life. Just because you have a challenging child does not doom you to misery and woe. Don’t feel guilty about shifting the focus to yourself until you are well again. Doing this will benefit your child, too.
I wrote a guest-blog in Health yesterday. You can read it by clicking here.
Kristyn Crow is the author of this blog. Visit her website by clicking here. Some links on this blog may have been generated by outside sources are not necessarily endorsed by Kristyn Crow.
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My Battle with Stress While Mothering Special Kids