It seems that most children, even from birth, have two personalities. They tend to change between the two depending on their company. Children tend to move back and forth between “I’m with mommy” mode and “mommy is not here” mode. Babysitters and family members have always told me that my children are less dependent and whiny when I am not around. Children tend to be more comfortable and relaxed around their main caregivers. Therefore, their attitude may be more outgoing, strong willed, or needy when they are with very familiar company. One comment that I hear very often from kindergarten parents is “My child does not act like this at home”. Upon children entering preschool or kindergarten, some parents learn very quickly that their child has another personality. Some personalities are better at school than at home and some are worse.
After calling parents to come in to discuss a student’s disruptive class behavior, I sometimes hear the all time famous question, “Why is he acting like this at school, he is so good at home?” I usually try to question parents about their home and offer a few ideas.
Is this your only child or are the child’s siblings four or more years older? If the answer is yes, that could make the world of difference. At home, the child is likely not competing for attention. Others are probably not interested in playing with his toys and he is not accustomed to sharing or taking turns. At school, the attention is being spread among twenty children. Items are shared among all students and everything is not at immediate disposal. The child may be acting out in order to draw attention to him and away from others. In fact, he may be a very well behaved child but is just unsure of how to deal with the new environment.
I have one child in my class now that is an only child. When we are carrying out reading groups, he plays and makes noises while the other students are reading. When it is his turn, he sits still and reads beautifully. His parents were very shocked at his behavior at school because they have no trouble with his studies at home. I explained that he has no one to compete with at home and no other children with whom to take turns. If he were the only child in my class, I would not have any trouble with him either. We are now working on how to be respectful and take turns with other children.
Parents must also examine their daily schedule. Who sets the schedule? Does the child have a specific time to carry out daily activities? Is the home a structured environment? Does the child spend much time playing alone or unsupervised? School is a very structured environment. Children that are accustomed to creating their own schedule may struggle at school. While at school, children must carry out activities at a certain time. The teacher determines when it is time for lunch, quiet time, and playtime. If a child eats, goes to bed, or plays at his own will at home, he may act out when he feels he has lost this control.
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