When Mary Ann Romans wrote about her favorite parenting line yesterday, it got me thinking about what my favorite line might be. Like her, I found that using the same old-age adages of my parents were getting me nowhere. For naturally curious children, saying “because I said do” was just frustrating. Still sometimes the conversation needs to be ended and results need to happen.
I have found that with my teens the only way to end an unpleasant conversation and to also get the results I need at the moment. My line isn’t the same every time, but it has a constant theme. It is “You can do this, or you can do that”. I know, that’s pretty non specific, but let’s fill in the blanks. When they were little, it was “You can eat your vegetables, or you can go to bed right now”, or “You can give your sister the toy back or surrender all of your toys for the entire day. Now its “Clean up the kitchen or you can’t cook for a week”, or “Put down the video game now or I’m taking it for a month.” It’s just as “unfair” as “I told you so”, but it makes them consider their options quickly and give in.
The real trick to making my little trick work is I actually have to follow through if they don’t do what they are told. It doesn’t happen often because they know I mean business, one thing you have to remember as a parent is that if you make a threat you have to follow through. Unfortunately for my husband, he has never gotten the hang of using the ultimatum trick. He’ll say something crazy like “mow the lawn or you can’t eat for a year”. You can see why this won’t work can’t you? Besides being completely undo-able, there’s no way he could stand behind such a statement.
Feel free to borrow this trick when dealing with your kids. Just remember the ultimatum offers something they don’t want to do in exchange for something they REALLY don’t want. They get to choose.
If you liked this you should also read my other posts at the home blog, the homeschooling blog, the parents blog, and the frugal blog. You can read my recent posts here.
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