After my biological parents divorced, my mother’s high school boyfriend came for a visit, proposed, and she married him. I have memories of getting a birthday card from a new grandmother wishing me happy fourth birthday with an elephant beating a drum as I boarded the Amtrak train to Los Angeles, California. My new father and my mother decided to have him adopt me in order to obtain complete custody of me and my sister. Thus I now have birth certificates from two U.S. states.
My second father seemed to try harder, and was more consistent. He paid the bills, and was able to hold down jobs. Who he is and the good he has done has become more obvious in the 46 years I have known him. He, too, has had his issues with life, and being the good person he wants to be. He has worked through and is working through his issues.
This helped to a certain extent. I felt more secure about life as far as a place to stay and food to eat. I felt less secure about who I was and where I belonged. I never felt I really belonged to the family of which I was a part. When I was first brought into the family, there were some hostile reactions to me and our blended family situation, and that was hard to deal with.
Despite of a change in fathers, I never learned to belong or associate, because I didn’t belong. I struggled with this for a long time, and sometimes still do.
So how do I overcome this feeling now? I strive to give service in my own family, employment, church, and community, and it helps me belong, or at least feel I belong. Having my own family, and striving to serve, help, and assist them helps me feel like I need to be here. I’ve found a joy in fatherhood I didn’t expect. It is harder than I thought, but it has also brought me more joy than I ever anticipated.
Related Blogs:
Let’s Play! How to Bond with Your New Stepfamily
Stepfather: Preparing Your Children
How to Tell If a Man is Father Material