It’s becoming irrational. I wish I could fully express it, I wish I could make you understand, and I wish I could make you feel it too.
I mentioned in an earlier post that I remember, from my childhood, wondering why more people didn’t adopt. I remember having the understanding that there were children who desperately needed homes and not understanding why more people didn’t take them in.
I remember discussing adoption with my husband. I remember when we realized that we were in a position to do this, that we had reached a point where we felt ready, and that we seriously wanted to pursue it.
I remember taking the class, I remember filling out the paperwork, going through the home visits, talking with the case workers, and working on my first blogs.
But, I remember all that as if it wasn’t quite real. It was just a project we were working on. Yes, it was something we believed in, and it was something I have always felt drawn to do, but I wouldn’t have said that it was a passion.
Ever since we said no to the first match, it has become so much more than just a project. It’s become very real. I think about this all the time, to the point where it is almost unreasonable.
Almost…
Can thinking about the plight of thousands of children in our countries foster care system, and worrying about those children, become unreasonable? Is it possible?
I find myself wondering, when people talk to us about the adoption, how they can discuss children in foster care without being personally impacted, without feeling sad, without getting emotional… and then go about their regular, daily lives without another thought. I wonder if it affects them, if they come back to the topic later, if any of them decide that they should somehow get involved in fixing this situation… or if it is just a passing thing, a conversation with a friend or co-worker, nothing more to it.
But as I am wondering how others are affected, I forget that I was once that way, not too long ago. Even when we were starting the process, it was just something that we were doing, a project we were working on. I was aware we were doing it, and I was serious about it, but it just wasn’t quite as real.
Now it’s real… and I’m becoming almost obsessed. I’m doing research, connecting with people on Twitter and Facebook who are actively involved in the foster care/adoption world, and I’m reading lots of articles.
When I learned that 25,000 children age out of the foster care system every year, and when I read stories of children being kicked out of homes for doing things like washing their shoes in the washing machine or flushing the toilet in the middle of the night, it makes me want to cry.
When I read the stories of children who are awaiting homes right now, and I see their pictures online, and even watch videos of them… I actually do cry.
When I see siblings groups who have been separated in foster care, available for adoption and needing a home that will bring them back together… it makes me wonder if there is any way I could convince Tom that we can handle more than one.
It has made me wonder… what more can I do? It has pushed me to inquire about becoming a guardian ad litem. It has pushed me to offer volunteering time to various organizations. It has even caused me to consider a change in my career path.
Unreasonable? You tell me.