I’m very excited to be able to announce the birth of Cillian on August 8th, 2009 at 2:57 in the early morning. After being the Father’s blogger for about two months I finally have a son who can look back into my eyes to write about. The entire event (labor, birth, sleep deprivation, etc.) has been quite exciting and somewhat indescribable. I must say that, particularly for fathers, seeing your child is a surreal experience. I don’t want to take away from mothers’ experiences but the father has a role that is physically separated from their child until the birth. Holding my son for the first time was a wonderful and indescribable moment.
I’ve got to say that watching his head come out (first!) was particularly thrilling considering his previous problems with head placement. I honestly thought that his head wasn’t going to be very big but I should have known it would be (he’s very smart) and it just kept coming. Once his head was out everything happened so fast. All of the sudden he was in my wife’s arms trying to clear his lungs by letting out a shout or two.
Cutting his cord was one of the more exciting things I was able to do. I untethered him from his past and welcomed him into his future. After cutting the cord our son was able to move around freely. He had always been himself but now he could move independently of my wife. There he was, but who was this person?
He was my son, Cillian, of course. My mind was having trouble processing the event, in part because I was so tired. After hours of pain for my wife (and lots of unhelpful empathy from Dad) this new person existed apart from his mother. The woman I know well was now holding someone I realized I didn’t know very well at all. When I finally got my chance to hold our son I took him on a little walk.
We had a wonderful little chat. He was wide eyed and looking right at me. He was very calm and quiet. I think he was processing things too (“Is this Daddy Radio in High Def?”). He couldn’t really talk to me so I talked to him. I found myself telling him all about his aunts and uncles, grandparents, and his 10 month old cousin Oliver. It was important that I tell him all about the large number of people who already love him and will be excited to hear that he’s been born. Sure enough, that same morning (after a scant 3 hours of sleep) we called his grandparents to let them know that he’d completed his journey into the world. Later that day he even met his grandparents through video chat.
I’ll be writing about my “usefulness” during labor on Thursday but I have a question for Dads: What was your reaction to your first child? What was the most exciting moment for you? What was your first conversation with your baby about?