You know, we have a saying in my house, if you’re feeling pretty bad (i.e. ill) for more than three days and you won’t go to the doctor – don’t complain about it. We began this saying back when we had really good insurance and a doctor visit only cost us about $10. Then we went through a period where we had no insurance at all – (you may remember my husband’s emergency surgery last December – our $22,000 bill is a direct result of having no insurance then). Still – we’re lucky to have health insurance now – although visits are closer to $30 now than $10 and our deductible is pretty high – it’s definitely better than nothing.
So why is it my husband still refuses to go to the doctor, even when he feels bad?
Stubborn is a Gem with A Flaw
I see stubborn as a double-edged quality. It’s both a genuine attribute if you are stubborn and stick to it to get the job done. In other words, it’s great to be stubborn if it helps you accomplish a goal. On the other hand, if being stubborn means you won’t go to the doctor when you’re sick and a problem that could be fixed with early medical intervention goes untreated and gets worse? That’s not so great.
So why isn’t your spouse going to the doctor? Maybe it’s because:
- They believe that if you ignore it, it will go away
- They don’t want the doctor to tell them something they don’t want to hear
- They think this is just not the time to be sick, there’s no time on the schedule
- They really can’t stand anything to do with going to the doctor and they associate doctors with weakness
It’s important to realize that whatever their reasoning is and no matter how little you think of it, it’s a valid reason for them. Fear is a response that we can’t judge, malign or make fun of. So what you need to do is instead, let your spouse know that you’re worried about them. Remember, you’re their spouse, their partner and their friend – you’re not their mother. You can’t make an appointment and make him or her go.
You can ask them if you can help. You can ask them if they’d like you to make the appointment or go with them to their appointment. You can also let them know that you’re not trying to nag them, you love them and you’re genuinely concerned. You want what’s best for them – but ultimately, what they decide – is what they decide. You can’t force them.
That’s the way it works in our house and that’s why we have the no whining rule. It may sound like we lack compassion, but truthfully – it’s more about respecting each other. I respect his right to go to the doctor or not. He respects the fact that when he’s constantly complaining about something, all I want to do is fix it. So that works for us.
What do you do when your spouse won’t go to the doctor?
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