We invited some friends over for a get-together over the weekend, we have three toddlers between us, but my son was really not friendly to these other babies and we spent more time separating and comforting them than we did getting to enjoy them playing together – what’s going on?
Antisocial behavior is hardly strange or unusual in toddlers. In fact, socializing is one of the reasons we put toddlers together and let them learn how to act with each other. When you put a group of toddlers together, you are more likely to see a free-for-all than you are to see any real interacting. It’s important to recognize that there will be tears, there will be laughter, there will be frustration and there will be anger.
This doesn’t mean the children are being anti-social, they are learning how to be social. And they are learning how to socialize. It can be frustrating and it can take patience, especially where toys and other items are concerned, but you shouldn’t worry that your child will never be able to socialize with others. Every toddler is different and toddlers want to be accepted by others. They also want some downtime to themselves.
Take time to view a playground with toddlers on it the next time you get a chance. You will see some playing together, you will see some playing alone, you will see some being comforted by mothers and then rushing back into the fray. You may wonder how they can get any socialization done with all the recriminations and upset – the key to understanding this is that they are getting experience. The experience is part of the learning process.
Siblings in the household will contribute a great deal towards teaching your toddler socialization. If they are really struggling with playing together, teach them how to parallel play. They can play side by side with their own toys and play in the same room, but they aren’t actively playing with the same things. Your toddler will go through phases where they are generous and give toys to other friends, siblings and to you. They are doing this to show you what they have and in part so you will give it back.
Sharing will come eventually, as will good manners in their socialization – but until they’ve been involved in social situations and learned what’s acceptable and what isn’t – they are going to seem pretty antisocial.
How did you cope with your first toddler interactions and social situations?
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