Managing the dynamics of a blended family can be rather challenging. This is new territory for everyone involved. For the first little while everyone may feel as if they are on an emotional rollercoaster. Some days may work out better than others; the important thing is that you keep at it and communicate often with your partner throughout the process. In the meantime, here are some important things to remember as you are embarking on this new journey as a step-parent.
In the beginning it is best to let the child’s biological parent be the primary parent in charge of discipline. Your job is to support that role until you have developed a stronger relationship with the child. This may take up to several years. The rule of thumb is one year for every year your child is old. Keep in mind that every child is different; some may adjust more quickly than others. Be patient and ease into that role with your stepchildren. More than anything, they need to know that you are another person who cares about them and the things going on in their lives.
You are not there to replace their biological parent, this is not your place, nor should it be. Encourage them to have a relationship with both of their parents. Make sure that your home is a safe place for them to talk about their other parent. Do not feel threatened by this relationship. It is important for children to have both of their parents in their lives, unless extenuating circumstances indicate otherwise.
Make sure the children continue to have one-on-one time with their biological parent. It is important to nurture this relationship so that the children do not feel that their time with their parent has been replaced by you. They need to know that they are still a priority. This time is crucial for them. Encourage your spouse to take this one-on-one time each week to focus on that relationship.
Don’t give up hope. This is a challenge that many people are facing today. The most important thing is that you communicate with each other about your expectations and your new roles. This process doesn’t happen overnight. It takes a lot of time and patience to create a successful blended family. Do your best to be in tune to everyone’s feelings as you are embarking on this new journey. It is a lot of work, but it can be so rewarding when you succeed.