Need Vs. Want Parents Families.com

With teenagers, I find that our understanding of the difference between what is a necessity and what is a luxury is very seldom matching. Despite all the “prep” work I did as they were growing up, we’ve definitely entered a phase where outside pressures–media, peers, societal expectations, comparisons, etc.–are all pulling rather heavily. And, I am left as the lone voice of dissention in my house clinging to my own realities of what is necessary and what is not.

There are a lot of things I could live without–and I’m looking forward to the day when my kids are launched and there is no longer the pressure for cable television, two kinds of bread, crunchy and creamy peanut butter, the “right” kind of shampoo, etc. To them, all of these things are basic needs and rights of life. It’s quite challenging to explain to them–without sounding like a crusty, old, out-of-touch anachronism that plenty of people live quite rich lives without cable television and cell phones. They are NOT hearing it.

Recently, one of my daughters was talking about how fabulous her home and life were going to be when she moved out on her own (a year and a half away, according to the calendar) and she stated that she was “definitely going to have a dishwasher!” (Now, we have a dishwasher and I’m pleased with it, but I often find myself washing a few dishes by hand out of habit and I imagine when I am alone, it would take longer to wait until I have a load of dishes to wash than to just wash my soup bowl, spoon and tea mug on my own.) I gently pointed out to her that the chances were that she would NOT be living with three other people when she moved out on her own and would she really NEED a dishwasher? She looked stunned as the reality hit her–maybe a dishwasher was not a universal necessity.

So, during these teenage years, I am a terrible mom for several reasons, according to the grumpy teens–more often than not it is because I am not providing enough stuff–I am not always on top of keeping the larder over-stocked, the products a-plenty coming through the doors, and the latest and greatest gadgets at everyone’s disposal. When I choose to pay the light bill instead of take everyone out for pizza, I’m “messed up.” Good thing motherhood has provided me with a tough hide and age has given me a better developed sense of what constitutes a “need” and what is just a “want.”