It is a well known fact children feel more secure and safe when they live in an environment with clear, well defined and consistent limits and discipline. Limit setting is different than establishing House Rules as parents may do with an older child. Limit setting is something parents generally start with children as young as possible and continue throughout the raising of a child. House Rules are a wonderful tool for children old enough to understand the rules, and follow them. House rules generally focus on the details of the household, procedures, division of responsibility for chores and clear cut behavior issues such as swearing and yelling.
Limit setting in the process of attachment parenting is focused on behaviors and teaching children appropriate and healthy boundaries. Adoptive parents need to remember the background of our children and the past experiences they may have lived with during their time before becoming members of the family. Regardless of the age of a child when placed, adoptive parents need to realize the limits of another home, family or parents may be very different then the limits of a child’s new family.
It may have been acceptable in the “last home” for children to stay up until 10:00 p.m. or help themselves to snacks in the afternoon. It may have been acceptable to use certain words the adoptive family finds unacceptable or to dress in clothing the adoptive family finds unsuitable. In the “last house” children may have been permitted to talk back, argue or teases each other. The list of differences in an adoptive families limits for behavior can be long. Frustrated adoptive parents need to recognize the fact that as difficult as it may be for us to accept and deal with these differences our children lack the ability to automatically understand acceptable behavior in a completely new home and family.
With any child setting limits is an ongoing process which requires consistency and attention by the parents. Limit setting can be difficult for any parent regardless of how their child joins the family, add to this the past life experiences of a child and limit setting may be one of the most difficult tasks adoptive parents may face while helping a child adjust and attach to their new family.
The next Blog entry in Attachment Parenting will address balancing the issues of limit setting and helping a child adjust to a whole new life.
Photo credit for this blog entry: 
(no use restrictions for this photo)
Special Needs and Adoption-Related Terms:
A | B | C | D | E-F | G-H-I | J-K-L | M | N-O | P | Q-R | S | T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z
For more information about parenting special needs children you might want to visit the Families.com Special Needs Blog and the Mental Health Blog. Or visit my personal website.