Now, those of you who read my blogs regularly have probably guessed that I am not a tough, stern, no-nonsense sort of person—especially as a parent. No, I am much more of the sort of person who tends to use humor as much as I can and pick my battles carefully. That said, I am also someone who doesn’t leave a lot of room for self-pity in my life or my family. It might seem like a bit of a paradox that I can be relatively easy-going in so many areas, but pretty intolerant of self-pity and feeling sorry for oneself at the same time. I’ve noticed with my kids, however, that they have taken it in as a matter of course.
I am certainly open to processing all sorts of emotions, but self-pity and feeling sorry for oneself has never felt like an emotion to me—it is more a way of avoiding emotion or not facing what is really going on. I think it also takes away from a person’s willingness to accept responsibility and participate in the world. Of course, there are so many things that happen in the world that we have absolutely no control over, they are Not our responsibility and they may not even make any sense—but I have tried to teach my children that things do not really happen TO us or AT us, so there is no reason to get lost in self-pity assuming that we are being picked on for some reason.
It is natural to feel sad, frustrated, overwhelmed, confused, etc.—these are all part of the human experience, but feeling sorry for oneself is another matter. By gently teaching my children that self-pity is a way of abdicating participation and responsibility, I have tried to encourage them to realize that they are making choices all the time—even if they cannot control the outcome of everything in life, they are still active players in the game.
Also: Feeling Inadequate
Single and Sad? or Single and Sassy?