Many non-custodial parents want a better relationship with their children, but it seems impossible when the parenting time equals every other weekend and possibly a few hours one night a week. The emotional turmoil surrounding a breakup, can hinder the possibility of creating a friendly relationship with the ex spouse, which can in turn deter the possibility of having a strong bond with your children. Ending a relationship with your significant other does not mean that the relationship with the children must also end. Children need to have strong relationships with both parents even if the parents were unable to stay together.
Some things that non-custodial parents can do to re-establish and/or continue to build a healthy relationship with their children include:
Take the high road and determine not to talk about your ex in negative way around your children. They will become resentful toward you and it hurts them to hear you talk about their mother or father disrespectfully.
Pay child support if that was the agreement. Pay it on time and in the agreed upon or ordered amount. Even if the child does not know that your check was late again, it causes stress for the custodial parent, which can in turn be felt by the child.
Avoid the urge to become the parent that buys them everything they could want and more. It is ok to buy your children gifts, but do not try to buy gifts to replace spending quality time with the children, which brings us to the next suggestion…
Spend quality time with your children. Do not leave the all of the yard work, housework and go in to the office during the weekend the children are with you. Try to avoid missing any parenting time. Ask the children what they would like to do while they are with you. If you are on a strict budget, rent a movie instead of going to the movies. Go out and play a game of basketball or go window shopping at the mall. Do things with your kids that cost you time not necessarily just money.
Go to the school play or soccer game even if it means you have to be in the same five mile radius as your ex. It will help your children to know that their lives are still important to you.
Talk to your children. They will need plenty of reinforcement to know that even though you do not live with them your love for them has not moved out as well. Have family meals together and ask them questions about what is going on in school, other activities and with friends. Share age appropriate information about what is going on in your life with work, and other activities.
Maintaining the type of relationship you want with your children will take a lot of effort on your part, but it is possible and can help your children grow into healthy adults.