So many parents use their children as weapons against each other when they find themselves in a divorce. I remember very well when my brother, sister, and I went to see their dad every other weekend. There was a lot of animosity between our parents during their divorce. It was one of those where they were in and out of court for four years. We were constantly in the middle of it all. He would take us, just so that she didn’t have us. His sole purpose in life at that point was to hurt my mother and it in turn hurt us. He would attack her character and try to turn us against her by feeding us lies about her and her family. We were so young that we didn’t know what to believe. Our loyalties were torn between two people we loved. It didn’t take long before one by one we started finding out the truth. Two of us ended up with protective orders against him within the next few years. But I remember the turmoil I felt as a child because of the things I was told.
As much as you may not like your ex, putting your children in the middle of things just isn’t fair to them. They love both of you and have enough to deal with without their parents problems added on their plate too. As hard as it may be sometimes it is important to encourage their relationship with the other parent. They will be able to cope with the divorce much more effectively if they feel the love of both parents. Be civil to each other at least when your children are around. They don’t need to hear the two of you fighting. They need to know that while you are no longer married, you are still their parents and you love them unconditionally and want them to have a good relationship with both of you.