Sometimes, parents get upset with their children for acting in a way that they think is inappropriate. I know I do. Today I had an experience that made me think that perhaps at least some of the time, the problem is not my child’s behavior but my own unrealistic expectations.
It started out innocently enough. I was running errands and it was almost lunch time, so I mentioned a few places where we could go to eat and asked Dylan to choose one. He chose a little place called “The Chef’s Market”. At the time, it seemed like a great idea. At the time, I had conveniently forgotten that we had gone there a couple of weeks ago and I had vowed not to go in there with the kids again. The store itself is great, and the people are very nice. However, unlike a grocery store, there are no carts for kids to sit in because the store is small. The idea of bringing a stroller for Dylan had never crossed my mind, either. There I was, holding Blake in a baby sling and trying my best to keep Dylan from grabbing everything and anything that he could get his hands on while we waited for our food to be prepared. Just like last time.
I could feel the other people in the store looking at us. I could almost hear the words that they were thinking behind their judgmental stares. They were probably wondering why I could not keep my kid under control. They may have been thinking that I had no business being there. I felt very uncomfortable and anxious, and as soon as the food was ready I quickly paid for it and got us out to the car just as fast as I could. As I buckled the boys into their car seats, tears ran down my cheeks. I felt like a failure.
As I sat in the car trying to think of what to say to Dylan about his behavior, it hit me. Nothing that I could say would make the situation any better. We were already out of the store. The problem had already come and gone. The problem was not even Dylan’s behavior. In fact, he had acted just like any other two and a half year old child would probably act if they were brought into a store where many enticing foods were displayed at eye level and they knew that their parent’s attention was divided between them, their sibling, and the items in the store. The problem was that I expected him to behave in a way that he could not reasonably have been expected to behave. My expectations, not my child’s behavior, were the real problem.
Photo by alvimann on morguefile.com.