One of my siblings was a selective mute as a child. This sibling could speak, and was developmentally appropriate in all ways, except when it came to speaking to certain people. Most of our relatives, and nearly all of my sibling’s teachers, did not have any idea why she wouldn’t talk to them. Not much is understood by the general public about what a selective mute is, or what to do if your child becomes one.
What is selective mutism? It used to be called elective mutism. Basically, this is the term used for a child who speaks normally when at home, and when around the family members that they share a home with. However, when in a social setting, such as a school, or a large family gathering, that same child becomes too anxious to use his or her voice to communicate with other people. It has been said that a child who exhibits selective mutism is actual experiencing an extreme form of social anxiety. This is not a form of oppositional defiant disorder, or passive-aggressiveness.
My sister was always shy, quiet, and somewhat reserved in personality. It is important to understand that shyness does not cause someone to become a selective mute. When she was at home, she would talk and play with me and with our brothers, just like any kid would. However, when she was in a classroom at school, she would not speak to anyone, for any reason. This confounded her teachers to no end. They did not understand why she wasn’t speaking, or what to do to make her talk. No one had advice on how to help her.
Instead, different solutions were tried. My siblings and I were close in age, so first me, and then one of my brothers, attended a summer preschool along side her. The teachers thought this would make my sister feel more comfortable, and expected she would start speaking at school once she felt more relaxed. Instead, my brilliant sister used us as a message relay system. A teacher would ask her a question, and she would whisper her answer to me, and I would tell the teacher what she said.
Next, they tried sending her to the preschool on her own, without us, now that she was used to the environment. She silently played alongside other kids. When things got to be too much, she would use the large cardboard blocks to wall herself away from the other kids. She silently went through kindergarten. In first grade, we learned that if the teacher yelled really loud, my sister would become anxious enough to throw up. Needless to say, that teacher stopped yelling, and also stopped pressuring her to speak. The other students, however, had started noticing that she didn’t talk. When she was called on in class, all eyes were on her, as everyone waited to see if she would speak. This must have been extremely stressful for her!
One day, when she was in third grade, her friends ran up to me after school, all excited. They announced that my sister talked! I remember she had a big smile on her face. Since then, she remained a quiet person, but no longer was a selective mute. I suppose she outgrew it. We just needed to give her time, and she started talking in public when she was ready.
Image by Jeremy Keith on Flickr