I was talking recently with a couple friends and they were trying to figure out what makes “some people” do the things they do—go back with abusive spouses, get involved with “married” people, work at un-stimulating, low-paying jobs, etc. and I felt like I was reminding them of the obvious when I quietly said: “Don’t you think that we get into a cycle of low self-esteem and we just can’t see the forest for the trees? We can’t believe that we actually deserve better than what we are settling for…”
Surely single parents do not have the market cornered on low self-esteem, but it can be one of the demons some of us wrestle with us. For some reason, hardship and struggles in life can wear on our self-esteem. It takes a great deal of effort and focus to be able to build that self confidence up after it has taken a hard blow! Unfortunately, many of us get stuck in those cycles or spirals—we feel horrible about ourselves so we make poor decisions, we end up in a bad relationship, job, housing situation, etc. and then we feel even worse about ourselves. It can be tough to break the cycle.
A good therapist, some self-help books, positive influences, and plenty of time may be the solutions to the low self-esteem cycle. The people I have known who have been most successful in breaking out of a self-esteem slump have been those who have taken a time out to re-build themselves from the inside. Learning how to see ourselves and our lives through a positive light can take some learning and practice and we might need a professional to help us get started. Whether it is you—or a good friend—who is wrestling with low self-esteem and in a pattern of making painful and hurtful choices, getting help to break the spiral and learn self care can truly be the greatest gift!
Also: Self-Respect Vs. Self-Esteem
Practical Ways to Build Self-Esteem (1)