Have you ever found yourself still feeling resentment for something your spouse may have done years ago? Seriously, take a moment and reflect. Are there any old injuries or incidences that come to mind – something that makes your mouth tighten, your eyes harden and your temper flare? If so – the time to keep sitting on it is done.
When you don’t treat an old wound, but keep it buried – you are doing more harm to your relationship than good. Old wounds are untreated sores that will continue to fester and discolor your present day experiences whether they are positive or not. In some cases, your spouse may be startled to learn that you are still angry at all.
Holding Everything Inside Is Detrimental to the Relationship
Just like any burden that you hold onto – it may not seem very heavy when you start, but hold anything long enough and all it seems to do is become heavier. This is in part due to muscle fatigue. When it comes to bottling up problems and emotional issues, you begin to suffer from emotional fatigue. It’s interesting when you notice that you are snapping at things that don’t seem worth snapping about? You can’t put your finger on it, but you’re annoyed.
That annoyance may very well be rooted in a problem that you have bottled up. Talking to your spouse about issues, real or imagined is important. Just as using I language is extremely important. Ultimately, bottling up problems may seem the way to keep harmony initially, but it’s actually more disruptive to the harmony of your marriage overall.
You May Surprise Yourself & Your Spouse
Often times when we bottle things up, our spouse isn’t even aware that we may still be holding on to this problem or issue. It’s not impossible that they haven’t forgotten it altogether. This doesn’t make them a bad spouse or insensitive. It just means that they believe the problem is resolved and over and done with. This is why it’s important to rip the band-aid off and treat the issue.
Sometimes, when we confront these problems, we find that their power over our feelings is diminished considerably. Yet you will never know if you keep it buried. Your spouse may be resistant to the idea, but ask for their help. Express to them that you need to deal with this and you need their help to do it. In the long run, by treating the old wounds – you can make a better here and now – and isn’t that the best goal for you and your spouse?
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