Heather nailed it. I was going to add a comment below her article on Flexible Schedules, but I had so much to say, I decided to write a page about it. Flexibility in schedules, routines, and frankly, in all things, is imperative in my marriage.
My husband’s work schedule can get really crazy at times, and there are occasions where I have no idea when or if he’ll be home or out of town. It makes planning things rather difficult. I have to admit this has been a source of stress for me. Having once been a little on the controlling side and tending to lean toward perfectionism (I admit it), I often had trouble adjusting.
Holidays and special occasions were especially stressful. You just can’t plan the perfect meal or party when you have no clue when –or if- your spouse will arrive! Thankfully, my husband is a calm, patient man, and he has helped me learn to adjust. In fact, I’ve learned to enjoy casual and last minute dinners, parties, and get-togethers.
Daily activities can also create strain when you feel like you never know what you’re going to be doing next. There are also budget issues, since my husband is paid per job, not weekly or monthly, so we don’t always know what day he’ll get paid. Adjust, adjust, adjust.
Another example is the fact that one of our vehicles is temporarily out of commission. That means I have to drive my husband to work. It’s 100 miles round trip. Talk about eating up time and gas money… Sure, he would have to drive there anyway, which would use gas, but he just had to go there and back. I have to go there, come home, go back, and come home again, doubling the cost. Still, the time issue is what caused me the most stress. I don’t have enough hours in my day the way it is!
I had to slow down and learn to adjust to this fact as well. Once I thought about it, I realized I shouldn’t look it at as a chore, but instead look at it as an extra hour to spend with my husband here and there. Now, instead of rushing and being tense, I relax and talk and laugh with him all the way there.
Like Heather, the fact that I work from home has helped me become more flexible. I can work at midnight or 4:00 a.m. if I need to in order to work around my husband’s schedule, so I can be available for him and our children.
The ability to be flexible really is a huge element in building a good relationship. Heading off stress and chaos by adapting to new circumstances means things will go smoother and be much calmer. Your spouse will appreciate your efforts and you’ll feel much better too. It took me a while to learn this, but it sure has made a big difference.
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