I am the single mom of three–but only one of my children is a boy. My son is decidedly out-numbered by females in our little family, and it has always been that way. Even when he was very young and his father and I were still married, his father was gone so much that I was always the primary and most present parent. He does get to spend some time with his dad, but his dad still spends most of his time working or away from home so even though he has a father and a male role model, it still often comes down to him and me…
My son will be a sophomore in high school this year and he is solidly in the throws of adolescence. A big hunk of his version of being a teenage guy is a reaction to the fact that his home life is so heavily influenced by estrogen. As he struggles to define himself as a male among females, I find that I am having to ease up a bit on the female agenda that can be so predominant in our house. I have to consciously carve out room for him to be a guy, and figure out what that means, and that doesn’t always come easily for me!
If you ask him–there are good things and bad about being the only guy in a house full of girls. He has always liked being the youngest and for most of his childhood, has liked being the only boy. There was a window of time when he was around 5 or 6 when he really wanted a brother, but now he’s happy to be the only boy. For my part, I think that I have appreciated getting the “full parenting experience” by being able to be a mom to girls and a boy. He’s definitely added stuff to our family life that wouldn’t have been there if it wasn’t for him!
My son and I seem to always be in a state of perpetual negotiation. I don’t always understand him, and he doesn’t always understand me. We find fewer and fewer things we can agree on–we both like to grill and we both like Western movies–but we are still trying. I have had to let go of my snuggly little boy and make room for him to grow into his separate man. I’m not always thrilled and eager to find out what that might be like, but I know that I not only have to allow it to happen, but I have to be encouraging, welcoming and supportive too. It is a fascinating process, one that I think is more intense because we have been single mom and single son for so long–but, so far, we are both managing to grow up…
Also: Mothers Raising Boys