I wanted to talk a few minutes to talk about the first week – the first week after the day you give birth. The first week of your baby’s life as they adjust to a world outside the womb and your first week of coping with this new life that suddenly fills up every corner of your own – it’s both bittersweet because you’re exhausted and the most exciting thrill of your life. It can also be terrifying especially for a brand new mom experiencing this magical week for the very first time.
What to Expect In This Week
First things first, dial down your own expectations of yourself. If your mother wants to come and spend that first week to help out – accept. You are going to be recovering from delivery and learning how to take care of this fantastic new life. You will be up. You will be down. Your sleep will be broken. Your body will be healing. All the while, you will be getting to know this little person who is wholly dependent upon you for everything.
This is a time better spent recovering and bonding with baby. If your mother, mother-in-law, sister, best friend, husband – whomever offers to pitch in and fix the meals, clean your house or take care of the errands – don’t feel like you are being a burden. Be the burden. You want this time. You need this time. Your baby needs it.
The Breast or the Bottle
As you may have seen here, we’ve been talking about the debate sweeping through new moms over the breast versus the bottle. There’s been tremendous arguments and statements made on both sides of this issue. But the most compelling ones to me are the decisions you make for yourself about what is best for you and for your baby. Take the time this week to teach both you and your baby how to adjust. This is the time to call the lactation specialist in for a consultation. There are several that will make house calls and if you couldn’t talk to one in the hospital, plan to have one come by the day you come home.
If you want to breast feed, your baby may need to learn to latch or they may need to learn to not get so distracted while they are nursing that they short themselves. It takes time, it takes practice and it takes effort. The bottle is much the same. A lot of moms think you just put a nipple on and into their mouths and go from there – but eating isn’t a natural function – remember the baby spent the last nine months getting all their nutrition through the umbilical – they weren’t suckling, belching or having to have bowel movements. So cut both of you a break.
If it takes you several weeks to get breastfeeding down to a comfortable schedule; that’s okay. It’s normal and it can take that long. If you are like me and you spend weeks trying to teach the baby to latch and end up just using a breast pump to provide breast milk to your baby – do it. Don’t feel less, don’t feel diminished and don’t feel incompetent. We are lucky to have breast pumps that give us this option and allow us to provide our infants with the best we possibly can because we want to give it to them.
It’s Never Easy
You’ll hear lots of advice from lots of people. You’ll hear the tales from parents who tell you things like their baby was sleeping through the night from day 2. You’ll hear from some people that you love and respect that – being a mom is easy – they loved it so much – they didn’t bat an eyelash at missed sleep. Y’know what – in about twenty-five years – you’re going to be giving that advice. Because you won’t remember the sleeplessness, the frustration and the difficulty – you’ll just remember the honeymoon with your baby and how much you loved them.
Don’t be Super Mom
You don’t have to do everything. When you try to be super mom that week, you may be setting yourself up for more frustration and sadness. Most new moms, in that first week and for the first several weeks is going to experience:
- Exhaustion
- Discomfort or pain following the vaginal delivery
- Constant discharge and even a burning sensation when urinating
- Incision pain or numbness at the site of the c-section
- Breast discomfort and engorgement
- Lots of sweating
- Depression, fear and anxiety attacks – you may even find yourself crying for no apparent reason
All of these are very normal. Don’t think you’ve suddenly gone around the bend. If you are really worried, talk to your obstetrician, talk to your pediatrician and talk to your mom, your sister and your friends. The first week may seem the hardest you’ve ever experienced – it’s the learning curve. Give you and your baby a break – and when you start to wonder what you were thinking, how can you ever cope – just look into the face of that little baby – go on – take a long look.
You feel that warmth in your chest that spreads out like a warm hug and the spark of tears in your eyes?
That’s why you did and can do this.
What advice can you offer to moms for that first week?
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